so much has changed.
i was ready to just shut myself off completely. i was ready to put all my walls back up faster than ever. i was ready to push saeren away no matter what the datachip recording said.
no matter what it made me think.
no matter how much it made me remember his kiss, the touch of his hand on my cheek, his smile. no matter how much it made me realize i had made the wrong choice the other night.
but i had to. for everything we’ve been through, rythe is my best friend. more than that, he’s the closest thing to family i have. i couldn’t be with saeren if rythe hated him.
so twenty hours ago, i was ready to shut myself away.
this morning, i went to rythe and vii’bo’s. i was tired. i had spent all night drawing and painting and trying to put my walls back up. rythe greeted me with a cup of caf and a smile and the words he didn’t want to say and i didn’t think i’d hear.
“I think he’s good for you.”
the lunch with them is a blur. the three of us came back to my ship. i think i made soup - i’m missing a pot, so that would make sense. they left and i started painting again, just to calm my nerves. i would comm saeren, i said, when i calmed down.
i didn’t get the chance to calm down.
he came by to apologize for having me watch the feed. the stupid droid let him in; i didn’t even know it was him until i turned around and saw him standing there in the doorway.
and i knew what he had to do.
he started to apologize. i told him the feed was corrupted, but that i got the gist of the idea. and i asked him point blank.
“You love me?”
and he answered instantly.
“I’m falling in love with you.”
and i knew what i had to do. i had to. i had no other choice. rythe may have managed to push down most of my walls, but saeren made me want to leave them crumbled around my feet. he may be sith, but he’s like no man i’ve ever met before.
so i kissed him.
and kissed him.
and kissed him.
he shared sight with me again. his aura glowed so brightly, and it was so different than before, and that little vine was still there, reaching out toward me.
and this time i could see mine reaching back.
we didn’t do anything but kiss, and then curl up and sleep. he looked exhausted. i was exhausted.
and it was twenty hours ago that he asked me to help him with his injuries.