i went to the alderaan base a few days ago. i need to talk to tybel. i think it’s going to be saying goodbye. i need to resign.
he wasn’t there. no one was, except the agent who runs the base. i don’t know his name. everyone just calls him watcher 13. he’s very intense. there’s something about him that makes me nervous - real nervous.
it might be because the way he looked at me, it was like he was trying to figure out what i looked like under my armor. or the way he stared when i took a drag of my cigarette.
i felt like i needed a long shower once i left. and it was like i could feel his eyes on my throat long after i was back on my ship.
he saw the chain i have jerhal’s tags on. he recognized it as a military something. he tried to ask questions, to get me to open up about him a little, but i wouldn’t.
i met up with ludwik last night on nar shaddaa. he gave me some new blasters. it’s so weird that he’s lieutenant jerax’s cousin. that my “secret contact” was the one who walked me home after that night at the fighting ring.
he wants me to keep in contact. he saw how scared i was. he knows i don’t get that scared, not usually.
i haven’t heard back from the sith. i hope he sees i’m doing his jobs and will just leave me alone; will just… just let me do this work i don’t want to do, and when this list is over…
when this list is over, i’m running. i can change my name. i can save up enough to change my face just enough to be not-me. and i can just disappear into coruscant or corellia until jerhal is back and then we can just be.
i just have to finish the list first.
i just have to stay breathing.