i went to a wedding in voss-ka on friday.
harith and tybel.
they were beautiful. is it strange to call two men beautiful? even if it is, it fits. they were both so happy and so in love and everything was perfect for them. even rayza was nice to me there.
i couldn’t find frames to fit. but i drew portraits for their present. one of each of them in profile, and then one of them together. i hope they liked them. they acted like they did, at least.
he was actually really nice. for real, not even fake-nice. and he gave them a holoart piece of them. it was amazing; i know i couldn’t ever do a piece quite that well; i’m still stuck on trees.
if things were different, i’d talk with him about it. learn his techniques. maybe work with him on a piece.
but they’re not.
after the wedding, i went to the cantina there. just to think. a nice solider came to talk to me - i think he may have been flirting with me. i never know when someone is or isn’t, really. and then jerhal came in. he didn’t recognize me at first; my hair was up and i was in a dress. but when he did… he smiled. he has the best smile. i guess the soldier was one of the men of the 7th.
he introduced me to another soldier - i think his name is greysen. we were talking at the bar and it was actually a good time. i was relaxing and…
the sith. my horrible tail commed my location, and who i was with. and the sith walked in. it was so bad. and then his partner came in and it got worse. and i don’t remember what all was said, all i remember is standing between jerhal and the sith. and he and greysen told me to move. told me to just walk away.
but i knew, then.
i can’t walk away. i can’t just… go. he’ll never let me go.
i made a deal. jerhal got so mad, but i made a deal. he would cancel what i had to do for him if i agreed to meet him in private at a time to be determined. and i did and jerhal walked out but the sith’s partner…
she barked after him. like he was some sort of dog. and jerhal got so mad. i had to beg him to just… not. to just walk away. and he did.
i don’t think he understands, still. i know he thinks he understands why. but there’s so much more to it.
i can’t have his blood on my hands, too.
we met back up later. he understands why i’m so scared, now. he is, too. he took me back to where the 7th has their base and introduced me to his commanding officer. i don’t think he likes me.
if i were him, i wouldn’t either. i’ve put all of them in danger, and i never meant to. ever.
jerhal’s offered to get me help. real help. jedi assistance, political asylum sort of help.
if i did that, i’d never be safe. i’m already not safe, but i’ll never be safe.
and i’d never see rythe again.
he’s my best friend. for so long, he was my only friend.
i don’t know what to do.
and jerhal leaves in a week.